the curious tail of the benevolent

wizardly lizard

an e-book by tom mahon


Now at that time in his life, Jake Greenbritches was captain of the mighty ship, the S/S Hoot’ntoot.  And she was a great and trusty old ship indeed, the Hoot’ntoot was. 

She was a thousand feet long from stem to stern, and weighed at least a quintillion tons, not counting cargo and crew. She showed a hundred feet above the waterline, and drew a hundred feet below the waterline, as in Diagram 1 below.


<stem --a thousand feet -- stern>

<Wt=Q tons+cargo+crew>

<hundred feet>


<another 100 ft>

Diagram 1

And speaking of crew, sailing under Cap’t Jake were the faithful and seasoned seamen, Yancy Gummy-grin and Ferdinand Googoo-drool.

With that crew, and aboard that ship, Jake Greenbritches had sailed around the world, oh, any number of time, and had had countless adventures along the way.

But this is the story of the most wonderful adventure of all.

It befell that of a Saturday afternoon, the S/S Hoot’ntoot was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, en route from Californee to China.

“There’s no sound on the sea this sunny Saturday,” said Jake to no one in particular. And what he said was true.  The sea was silent as the sky.  And everywhere both obedient eyes could see, aye-aye saw only blueness.

The sky and the sea were d



                       p and blue…

… so blue the air turned blue, though lit by brilliant, glistening sunlight.

And far away, an emerald shaped like an island

    o            e

b        B               D…


and drifted, and swam, without a splash for a sound.

“Ahoy!” said Ferdinand.  Avast!” answered Yancy, as they scurried and scampered and scuppered in the rigging doing ship-shapely chores.

And on the fantail, young master Greenbritches was sitting and sighing and smiling, seeing the sea so splendidly and serenely blue.  Mighty and legendary Jake, fresh from death-defying, hair-raising, pulse-pounding adventures here, there and everywhere, was very busy that afternoon learning how to tie his shoes.

“Let me see,” said Jake in English (though he spoke at least thirty other languages), “It’s ‘right lace goes around the bow and through the hole,’ if I don't miss my guess.”

With his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, Jake didn’t miss his guess, or the hole in the bow.  And soon his right shoe was on, fastened and secured, shipshape and Bristol-fashion, when all of a sudden…

The rest of this fantastical adventure of Jake Greenbritches, Yancy Gummy-grin and Ferdinand Googoo-drool, wherein many lives were saved and much hoop-de-doo was accomplished, can be purchased as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play, for $1.99.